apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
