kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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