I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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