Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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