So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
