I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
