I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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