Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
