Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
