i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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