you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
