he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This baby is an asshole
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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