Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
