Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dignity is for republicans.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
