i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is wine microwaveable?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
