true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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