her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
