I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
