they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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