its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
