I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
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I wish life had little blips of pornography
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT