I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
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Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol