You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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