he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
