You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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