I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
