I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
