am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was like eating out sand paper
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
