It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
