so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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