if you like me you must not know who I am
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
