Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were destined to go to rehab together
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
