peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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