So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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