I hope my margaritas pass through security.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
