he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
only if we run a train.
done.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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