plz talk dirty to me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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