Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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