one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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