you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
