So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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