He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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