mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she peed on how many people?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
