Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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