What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
