If i come over, it means nothing
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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