New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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