I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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