just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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