my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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