just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
