Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
