I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
