i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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