last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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