i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
