Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
