This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
