I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
