shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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