I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
