Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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