no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
