I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
