and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The power of my boobs compel you
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
