Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
