The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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