Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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