He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
