whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
