I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
