i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
