Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we should paint friendship bongs
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