i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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