theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
