My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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