take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
