Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
