Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
