Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
