All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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