that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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