Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
