You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
