Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
